Welcome dear adventur– Holy frog-licking mountain pigeons! What’s that there growing out of your shoulder nubbules?! Ohhh, it’s just your feeble little arms. You can’t except to fight any monsters with those flaccid spaghetti strains. I’ve flossed with thicker cyclopic pubic hair than those. Doubt you even have the strength of one nerd, let alone ten. (Ten nerds equal one healthy meat eating manly man of men, or so I’ve been taught in maths.) You need to maximize your nerdiness…in liquid form!
In the hidden basement dwellings up on Obsessive Rock you’ll find a group of feral nerds. Lure them out with a many sided die. While they’re distracted trying to find out their stats, sneak into the musky domicile and raid their fridge. If that old one-legged unicyclitard was correct, you’ve stumbled into a faction of the Coke tribe, a frequent enemy of the Pepsi faction. Raid their fridge. Congrats you got yourself a can of Coca-Cola.
Off to the Arcade of Misery for you. There you’ll find a poor soul ever stuck in a timewarp. Beneath that flock of seagulls are the saddest eyes in the world. The skin of his hands have meshed with the controls of a Ms. Pacman machine. Doomed to forever eat pellets on screen and yet never feed his own body aside from an IV of bib-label lithiated bubbly. Kill that mofo and steal his drip. It’s something cool, something wondering, something lemon and lime. It’s an up thing. 7-Up!
You’ll find a stoolie munching on raspberries stationed outside Neckbeard Nature Preserve. We’ll venture inside another time, but for now just slit the poor soul’s bearded neck and collect the sweet nectar from within. You now have Stoli Razberi vodka.
Add 1/3 oz Stoli Razberi vodka, 2/3 oz 7-Up, and a splash of Coke to a cocktail shaker, half-filled with the iciest of cubes. Shake it as well as you can with your skeletal appendages. Consume the essence of nerds. You should now be able to safely hold a gamepad for an extended period of time.