Elixir Mixer: The Smurf

Welcome dear sorcerer. Down on your luck? In need of some gold? Whoa there. Put your robe back on! I was offering a more permanent solution. And by solution I mean potion and by potion I mean the one to turn base matter into gold.

The Smurf

Pretty like a Smurf-star!

Now before you go looking for the Smurf village you’re going to have to pay a visit to a Miss S. Shortcake at her “Berry Happy Home.” It’s that decrepit pink mansion you no doubt passed on your way here. As you might have guessed, old Shortcake cracked a long time ago. When all your friends are named after food and you haven’t been relevant since the 80s…well, you tend to turn to cannibalism. I hear she’s been hitting the bottle pretty hard these days. Best to put that sick lady out of her misery and liquify her in a blender. Huzzah you have Wild Strawberry Infused Vodka.

Now if you wait there until around noonish, a bunch of anthropomorphic fruit will come jogging by. The limes usually dash by the quickest. Grab one. Oh joy, you have a lime.

Before your get to the Smurf village you’ll pass through an enchanted forest. At any body of water in that forest you’re bound to fine sprites. They’re these hot little– I mean, wet little– er, wet in the sense that– well you’ll know it when you see one. Seduce one with you handsome good looks and– you know, just distract one with your horribly red boots and knock it over the head. As it loses consciousness it’ll turn into a liquid so have a bottle ready. You’ve got Sprite. (7-Up or any clear soda would also do, but we’re all about maiming and killing lady folk today.)

Now it’s off to Smurf village. Just round up a few of them to make Blue Curaçao and you’ll be set. I mean, how hard can it be to catch a couple Smurfs?

Harder than you think

In a highball glass add 30 ml Wild Strawberry Infused Vodka and 20 ml Blue Curaçao. Fill it up the rest of the way with Sprite and top it off with a dash of lime juice.

The Smurf is here

Now you may unrobe.

Review Bot 3000

A surly tavern patron who guides young adventurers on foolhearty missions in order to acquire strange ingredients for powerful potions. He also plays a mean sax.

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