Comic Book Crisis Guide: The Basics
If the Dark Lord from Dimension Z has broken loose and decided to reign terror amongst the citizens of Earth, where do you go? If you find your two most beloved heroes coming to blows over the downtown sector, what do you do?
Most of us don’t think about these every day occurrences, but in light of a major Crisis, it is always important to have a plan. So the Nerd brain-trust have come together to create the ultimate guide to surviving any comic book crisis.
- Know your crisis.
Listen, we are here to help (or we wouldn’t be providing a guide), but you need to understand the situation you are in. Is there some evil looking dude (probably in purple and green) making demands on the city? You are most likely dealing with a more local threat. We can help you with that.
Now, if you find yourself finding multiple versions of your favorite heroes flying around the skies, you are most likely in an invasion from a parallel universe crisis. This guide will be able to talk you through that as well.
If the sun is being blocked out by an armada of airships, almost 99% of the time you are dealing with an inter-galactic threat. Now, this is harder to plan for because there are so many species of aliens out there, but this guide will do its best to give you general tips to survive that.
Finally, if your favorite heroes are coming to blows with each other. You have the worst type of crisis, one of personal issues. These tend to be harder to end and a lot messier fall-out if you can believe it. But The Nerds got you covered.
This may seem like a silly tip, but it is important to address.
Do you have any dormant superpowers? Shockingly enough, research has shown that not everyone is born with superpowers and some develop later on in life. The downside to this is usually the power reveals itself during life-threatening situations. We here at On the Rocks can’t suggest that you put yourself in danger to test if you have superpowers, but if you THINK there’s a chance you might…
Does anyone you know have superpowers? Now this is just the opposite of the above tip. If you know someone who has superpowers, you may think it’s in your best interest to stick close with them. INCORRECT! If history has shown us anything, it’s that people with powers tend to attract trouble like fleas on a dog. And while they may be able to run super fast or fly or are invulnerable, YOU are not. So while it may suck to say goodbye, I would avoid them as much as possible until the whole crisis blows over.
- Know Your Surroundings.
Let’s call a spade a spade, if you live in the middle of Nowhere, USA you are probably safe. If where you live ends in a city however (New York, Central, Gotham), I’d be worried often. You can check any site to find the average crime-rate tends to be higher in major cities. Now imagine a city overrun with costumed avengers and their fiendish rogue’s gallery. You start to see the problem.
Insurance. Seems like a minor thing, but if you live in a hotzone, you may want it on everything, and I mean EVERYTHING. Heroes and villains do not care about property damage. Buildings, streets, houses and lamps means nothing when you are trying to Save/Take over the World. So from your house to your cars to your dogs, get insurance!
Know where villains hangout. They aren’t exactly off the radar most of the time (you know being wanted and all) and they tend to have a specific area of town to hang out. If you know the history of your town, find the area that use to be rich in culture, and is now rundown. 9 out of 10 times, villains would have set up shop there. While under normal circumstances you should avoid it in the case of a crisis, I would actually go there. They tend to have a lot of safeguards against heroes so what better place to be in the face of a major threat? And no one is going to wreck their own home willingly!
Now you know the basics. So ladies and gentlemen, tun in same Bat-time, same Bat-channel for more in this in-depth Comic Book Crisis Guide.
I’d get the insurance, but not much happens here in Alabama. Unless Thor decides this is the next home for Asgard.