Elixir Mixer: Polyjuice Potion

Welcome dear wizard in training.  I couldn’t help but notice you mulling over the polyjuice potion in your spell book as you brood over your brew.  And what is this anyway?  Butterbeer?  What are you 12?  Oh.  You are?  Well then, that potion is too advanced for a simple 2nd year student like yourself.  You’re no Granger-brain kid.  What if I told you that the muggles have their own version of the polyjuice potion?  One where you can acquire the ingredients no matter the phase of the moon or boomslang menstruation.  I’ll take that smile as a sign you’re rearing to go and not a misfired densaugeo spell.  Come on kid,  let’s get you some

Polyjuice Potion

You wish your spider-hat was as cool as hers.

Now the muggles are all about convenience.  So much so that’s what they call their most important stores.  Ah, put that bag of galleons away.  Your money is no good in their world.  What you’ll do is wait until the attending clerk is directly in front of the coffee maker and then–  Hmm, you wizards don’t have coffee?  I guess the nearest equivalent would be Bertie Bott’s Coffee Flavored Bean.  (Fucking wizards.)  Anyway once the mark is in front of the machine  perform a hair-loss curse so that all his hair falls into the bowl.  While he’s scrambling to get it out shoot a jelly-legs jinx his way so that he  face plants into the scalding coffee.  I suppose a jelly-fingers curse would be next.  And um I guess light him on fire with the fiendfyre curse.  Don’t want to over do it.  Causally walk over the freezer and grab a bottle of vodka and a can of coke.  You can read right?  You wizards have some actual real world skills I hope.  Good.  Get out of there before the cops show up.  Cops?  Oh, they’re like brilloweeded thumpswallots or some magical shit like that.

Burn Baby Burn

Oh the muggleity!

Next find the closest liquor store than isn’t within the radius of the unholy fire demon you let loose.  Let’s see now.  How do muggles usually handle these things?  Point your wand at the store worker and threaten him with avada kedavra, the killing curse.  Being that you are 12 year old child holding a stick you’ll naturally be laughed at and kicked out of the store.  Perhaps instead try rictusempra, the tickling charm.  While he’s incapacitated with laugher grab the Kahlua and Amaretto.  Then um, light him on fire?  Sure.  Portkey yourself out of there and mix away.

A haunted bathroom is the ideal location for underage drinking.

Pour 1 oz of Kahlua into a glass, then an 1 oz of vodka, then 1.5 oz of Kahlua, then 1 oz of Amaretto, and top it off with a splash of Coca-Cola.  (It’s all about the layering.)   Add the hair of someone who was attending that party you weren’t invited to.  You’ll of course have to get rid of him for the hour the potion’s effective.   Should have developed a taste for murder by now.  I believe that’s actually a Bertie Bott flavor of bean.

Murder comes in a lovely shade of lilac.

Review Bot 3000

A surly tavern patron who guides young adventurers on foolhearty missions in order to acquire strange ingredients for powerful potions. He also plays a mean sax.

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